Fashion of Sci-Fi Part 2

1920s – 40s
As we move into the next few decades of the 20th century, the style changes once again, with the notion of the metropolis and the daring heroes of pulp. Would the technology of the future according to 1920s and 30s mentality lead us into a Flash Gordon-like style of art-deco space-ships with sparklers at the back?
Metropolis

The first science fiction feature films started to appear during the 20s. Post World War 1 there was a notion that technology was becoming a destructive force and that technological advancements had gone mad.

This mistrust of technology can be seen in one of the most innovative and well regarded sci-fi films of all time Metropolis. Set in the year 2000 this was Fritz Lang’ expressionistic, techno-fantasy masterpiece. Considered by many to be the most innovative sci-fi film of all time (aspects and influences of the film can be seen from Blade Runner to Star Wars to Batman) the film is set in a socially-controlled futuristic city where an evil scientist Rotwang and his beautiful but creepy female robot Maria (who looks like a female C3P0)

With a focus that seems to reflect the social outlook at the time (oppression, industry and a subdued society) the beautiful original, futuristic sets, mechanically based society themes and a gigantic subterranean flood not only pushed the boundaries of sci-fi storytelling but was a visual effects and design – Metropolis really is a visual feast and innovative far beyond its time.
Metropolis influenced so much – from the backdrops of Gotham City to the jet-pack heroes such as the Rocketeer to the Cybermen the visual tropes and style of Metropolis has influenced


Gordons Alive
Space exploration was of course decades away however space adventures and the daring doings of outer space heroes shot their way onto cinema screens during the 30s. With the growth of cinema these heroes were perfect characters to make the jump from pulp to the silver screen. Created by Universal from the Alex Raymond comic strip first published in 1934 the serialisation of the adventures of Flash Gordon were produced on a relative shoestring budget but translated the fantastical worlds of Mongo and the innovation of anti-gravity belts and alien races with such great effect that seeing things like lizards and crocodiles with glued on spines, sparklers and washing up bottles as space-ships and household appliances as laser guns it didn’t matter – people had never seen anything like this before and marvelled at the strange new worlds translated to the screen, action packed episodes and climactic cliff-hangers
Flash Gordon checklist
Flash Gordon: Space Soldiers (1936), 13 episodes – later re-edited as the feature film Flash Gordon: Rocketship

Flash Gordon’s Trip to Mars (1938) – 15 episodes

Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe (1940), 12 episodes

Horror Sci-Fi
It was just Fritz Lang who drew from the nightmares and suspicion at the time of ‘science gone mad’ and while with one part of Universal Pictures was busy producing Flash Gordon’s sci-fi adventures and wowing audiences with far off interplanetary escapades another part of the studio were busy tapping into the terror and fear of the population, building sets and labs for the oncoming storm of vampires, monsters and mad scientists.

With directors like James Whale tapping ‘classic’ horror with films such as Frankenstein Universal became the pioneers of ‘science gone mad’ style of film-making and crossed over sci-fi with horror and fantasy. Using other classical books from authors such as HG Wells Universal gave us Invisible Men, monstrous mummies, lagoon dwelling gill-men, charismatic vampires and sultry undead Brides and showed the worlds the talents of Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff and Lon Chaney Jr via the use of camera trickery, optical effects and layers upon layers of special effects make-up

With the Universal catalogue of mad scientists and artificially-created monsters that ran amok killing people the studio flourished and the growth of the film and magazines, (with people having money to spend on both the printed page and cinema) led Sci-Fi into the mainstream.

The Aesthetics
This was the time of Alex Raymond, space adventures and of course Batman – this is time would we be living in a Fritz Lang/Gotham city of the future full of airships and towering edifices, using Dick Tracy watches to communicate with fellow ‘Futurists’

Where the menaces came from outer space or from the minds of a mad scientist or from forbidding eastern European castles it was a time of innovation where the enemy could be seen and defeated – but this of course all changed in the 1950s where the paranoia of an invisible enemy reared its foreboding head and atomic power changed the world.
Recommendations
Films/Serials:

Metropolis (Fritz Lang)
20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (Stuart Paton)

Cinematic serial:
Buck Rogers (Ford Beebe)
Flash Gordon (Frederick Stephani, Ray Taylor)
Superman (Max Fleischer)
Podcasts and Blogs
https://sites.google.com/site/traciloudin/portfolio-writing/1920s-sciencefiction-sample

With a montage anything is possible

With a montage anything is possible

It’s Tuesday morning and if you are reading this I guess you are either skiving or needing a bit of motivation to tackle the week ahead, so here is a homage to the montage!

In the movies you can do anything, all it takes is a piece of rock music, commitment and volia with a handy montage at your disposal you can be the best!

Check out the best

South Park – Live to Win.

When Eric, Kyle and co get hooked out World of Warcraft there days of adventuring come to a all too brief end thanks to a high end player dressed out in a gimp mask. Even trying to get the entire kids of south park to help doesn’t work, even with Butters putting down his ‘Hello Kitty’ game isn’t enough and it finally takes the ‘Sword of a Thousand Truths’ to defeat him. However to get there the kids have to ‘living to win’ (thanks KISS’s Paul Stanley!) which involves this classic montage and killing boars..lots and lots of boars.

Conan the Barbarian – Wheel of life

To get a build like Arnie doesn’t involve hitting the gym, protein by the gallon and days upon days of pumping iron, really all it takes is a quick montage and lots of walking around in a circle pushing a big treadmill thingy. To get a Mr Universe physique probably takes a lot more than this and I guess all this training would get you is just very bored, and very very dizzy.

Family Guy – Brian training –

When Brian decides to go back to college to finish his degree he enlists Stewie to give him a hand. However instead of cramming for the finals Brian takes a page of Rockies book and runs up a mountain with a pail. Not the best way of getting your brain into gear, still at least the view is nice.

Highlander – Don’t loose your head.

A Frenchmen in a kilt getting trained by a Scotsman in a flamboyant Italian get-up playing about in water with a massive weapon sounds like a ‘speciality’ film, however this is Highlander and McCloud is being trained to protect himself from the most gravely of voiced bad-guys in movie history – the terrible Kurgan! Remember there is only one (up until the three other films, TV show and the other bloke)

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev3BbKTsM48&feature=fvw)

Karate Kid –You’re the best around…

Every kid from the 80s wanted to he trained in the way of karate and if Mr Myagi is teaching it (and you can’t get Bruce Lee’s ghost to train you..see ‘No retreat, no surrender’) then the training takes the form of car washing and fence painting. Not the most orthodox way of training we must admit but highly useful when wanting to take down members of the Cobra Kai. Balancing on posts in the sea is of course optional

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlQOmO44_bA&feature=related)

Kickboxer – I’m blind

A computer game bought to life and starring everyones favourite b-movie action hero Van Damme Kickboxer was Karate Kid for grown-ups. Using the same story as Enter the Dragon (and Mortal Combat) Van Damme easily defeats his various opponents until getting to the ‘boss’ bad guy Bolo Yeung who has of course injured his friend to make his way to the final. Blinded Van Damme is transported back to his youth as his montage shows him doing the splits, high kicks and fighting while blinded which comes in handy.

Lukes Jedi Training– Empire.

Covered in mud and quite frankly whinging about just about everything Yodas infinite patience with Luke as he begins his training as a Jedi shows that no matter how muppet like you are you can still instill your wisdom into even the most impatient of students. Its not the trying it’s the doing that counts and letting the force flow through you will let you do anything (such as getting your hand cut off and inappropriate woo-ing your sister)

Kill Bill 2 – Fish Heads

With Bill taking Bea under his wing as another member of his assassin squad the first thing he does is palm her off onto a beardy weirdo Pai Mei for extra training. To quote the master himself ‘you will be challenged until you’ll give up and bow your head to the teacher. low your ego and shut up, because only then you can hear the lesson’, which when it comes to it involves a lot of steps, breaking the bones in your hand and eating fish heads. However results are useful in breaking out of coffins and removing your opponents eyes!

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHbfIPjmZys)

A-Team, – building….stuff!

If there wasn’t a ‘build’ montage in an A-Team episode it wasn’t worth watching. Whether it was a cabbage firing canon, a bin-bag made hot-air-balloon or a bus covered in steel plates all the A-Team needed was to be trapped in a light engineering workshop, a three minute montage with a up-beat variant on the theme tune and any means of escape and defeat of the bad-guys was possible.

Rocky – Just a classic.

The king of all montages Rockies iconic training montage is still a classic. Moving, climactic and inspiring it hits all the classic montage button. The slow build the classic theme tune and the glorious shot at the top of the stairs shows that Stallone knew exactly what he was doing when scripting this movie. While copied many times and repeated in Rocky 2, 3, 4 and 5 to different degrees of success this awe inspiring feel good piece of film-making makes you want to push yourself just that little bit further, even if it means you will get a stitch, be out of breath (or knackered) or a complete mess in the gym this is the theme and montage that beats them all.. Win!

The Fashion of Sci-Fi Part 1 1890s – 1920s

We have iPods which contain all our music, videos and data like the PADDs in Star Trek, have unlocked parts of the human genome, cloned livestock and created primitive artificial life. And while we don’t have jet-packs, teleporters or the ability to travel to Mars, current technology hasn’t don’t too badly on the whole.

But what if..

What did previous eras envision what the future would look like?

Most cultures have looked to the future – to try and predict what is to come amd how to better society. There has always been forward thinkers and innovators, people and concepts that seem to defy the time they are in, bringing ideas to the fore that seem impossible to belive. From Da Vinci to Japanese automatons serving them tea over 300 years ago advanced concepts have played a huge part in various cultures. constructions such as the Mechanical Turk, a fake chess-playing machine was constructed by Wolfgang von Kempelen (Kempelen Farkas) in 1770 to impres the Empress Maria Theresia of Austria (which was recently copied in Dr Who) still hold wonder and innovation even now –

But there was one set of future pioneers that shaped the foundations of what we now call Sci-Fi

The Victorians

Steam-powered trips to the moon –

100 + years in the past – the beginning of the 20th century – pioneers included HG Wells, Jules Verne and Charles Babbage. Maybe we could still have iPods, but chances are they would be made from iron and powered by water.

However the The retro-futuristic blend of Victoriana and sci-fi fashion has had a resurrgence in recent times with the style, ideas and concepts making a high street comeback. Shows, events, fashion, clubs and societies across all media are celebrating this style and adding modern twists to it

From the late Victorian age to the end of the First World War, the first thirty years of the 20th century moved us forward like no other. We learnt to fly, learnt how to transfer information via radio waves, to put moving images onto celluloid and, unfortunately, to kill each other in the most unspeakable ways on the battlefields of Europe. Now, this turn of the century’s decades could have gone two ways into the predictions of the future.

Decline of the British Empire

Firstly we could have carried on with the wrought iron intricacy of the Victorian era, which we have seen many times in books and movies. Today we could have been living in a Steampunk world envisaged by the likes of Bruce Sterling and based on HG Wells, Jules Verne and Charles Babbage. Maybe we could still have iPods, but chances are they would be made from iron and powered by water.

Computer Context

Maybe if we looked at the beginning of the 20th century and asked the pioneers of sci-fi what the world would look like in 100 years’ time the answers would be very interesting. This, of course, is the biggest age of change we have ever had technology-wise.

The beginnings of First World War, maybe the sci-fi thinkers of the time saw the aesthetic of the future becoming militaristic. Taking the notion that World War I had continued, would we now be living in a future where war was the main focus? Would technology and medicine have moved forward at a quicker rate, as suggested at the time by the likes of Edgar Rice Burroughs, in Warren Ellis’s Ministry Of Space, or the third volume of Alan Moore’s The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, where we still have cars and motorways, but also space-ports and a lot more smoking of pipes?

1920s-1940s

As we move into the next few decades of the 20th century, the style changes once again, with the notion of the metropolis and the daring heroes of pulp. Would the technology of the future according to 1920s and 30s mentality lead us into a Flash Gordon-like style of art-deco space-ships with sparklers at the back? – Come back next week to have a look

Recommendations

Books:
The First Men In The Moon (HG Wells)
The Shape Of Things To Come / The Time Machine (HG Wells)
The War Of The Worlds (HG Wells)
Heart Of Darkness (Joseph Conrad)

Films/Serials:
Le Voyage Dans La Lune, aka A Trip To The Moon, Georges Méliès
Metropolis (Fritz Lang)
Lost Horizon (Frank Capra)
20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (Stuart Paton)
Island Of Lost Souls (Erle C. Kenton)

Also see:
The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen (Alan Moore)
Ministry Of Space (Warren Ellis)

Podcasts and other sources

http://steampunk.wonderhowto.com/
http://www.thenakedscientists.com/HTML/podcasts/astronomy/
http://steampunkzen.blogspot.co.uk/

Tweets by therobertrankin

https://twitter.com/search?q=steampunk&src=typd

Tweets by SteampunkNews

The ‘Beauty’ of the Amiga loading animation

The ‘Beauty’ of the Amiga loading animation

As the 1990s hit, so did a new wave of computers – tapes got replaced by disks and the general computing public (well teenagers mostly) found that the new technology of the ‘floppy disk’ beat good old fashioned cassettes for time and quality, no longer were you able to go and read ‘War and Peace’ while you waited for Jet Set Willy to load, new technology meant you could fire up your new machine playing a game from the ‘Batpack’ and be swinging your way around Gotham in less time it would take you to make a cuppa.

But of course with everything those behind the technology wanted to show off what this new machine could do, which with its new set of shiny colours that could now be counted in double figures and ability to create chrome effects and to ‘render’ things (usually a chess board set in a fantasy backdrop with a crystal ball on it) the Amigas capacity was soon filled with the obligatory intro demo, a step up from the loading screen but in its own way equally as irritating.
While the first few Amiga games took from there littler 8-bit brothers with a nice picture to keep you occupied while you waited it wasn’t long until companies found that this time could also be used to showcase the new skills and technical capacity of the machine and soon the days of the static screen became a thing of the past as the fun colourful elements of games like New Zealand Story, Zool, James Pond and Magic Pockets made way for technical bad-boys like ‘Psygnosis’ and the Bit-Map Brothers to flex their technical muscle and inundate us with long, bloated ‘tech’ demos that had little relevance to the game.

Want to play Shadow of the Beast 2 (and who wouldn’t) don’t worry you can…just as long as you watch this ‘Lord of the Rings’ type animation beforehand. Want to play Walker, a great game it’s just really as a gamer I don’t want to watch the ED-209 character you have designed potter about a futuristic landscape, I just want to play. Same goes with ‘Blood Money’ a fab little shooter for which we had to endure a two minute space battle through asteroids that had very little to do with the game.

Even games that didn’t really need intros were given them. The simplicity of ‘The Settlers’ or the cute unique elements of ‘Lemmings’ were all prone to give us at least one floppy disks worth of un-needed animated fun…just well, because.

I will also give special mention to those cunning Amiga pioneers ‘The Bitmap Brothers’ producers of such games as ‘Gods’, ‘The Chaos Engine’ and ‘Speedball’ – why with all the talent there did you have to make your demos so grey? Waiting in anticipation for a bit of ‘Brutal Deluxe’ was ruined by a wash out of colour in your loading demo.

I suppose if you were a big fan of early 1990s music you would have enjoyed the whole intro-demo element a lot more as there were 101 games that used early ‘Prodigy’ like dance tracks with samples of people saying ‘ah-yeah’ blaring out as the latest coin-op was attempted by a small second party development team or Ocean butchered another film or television licence. But if small samples of blurry video were not your thing or if ‘Bomb the Bass’ was not the type of music you were into it was a little taxing, especially when every demo or intro sequence was designed using the same new ‘cool’ typefaces and style, where would any self respecting developer be without the obligatory shiny chrome text effect? Reflections, Team 7 and the rest of the guys battling away to create a name for yourself should all be commended in pushing the boundaries of the technology but after the 20th or so game you made maybe toning down the reflection or spotlight effects in Deluxe Paint 4 might have been a good plan.

While trying to be seen as a huge killjoy and hater of the whole intro-demo element to a game – and frankly we have a lot to thank these guys for in way that new games are played and the more cinematic elements we see today it just seemed to me , both now and then a lot of what was produced seemed unnecessary, unwanted and like a showcase for a game that in another reality you could be playing, a game with better graphics than the ones you actually got and a way of showing that things ‘could’ be done, just not really in a game environment.

To finish off there was of course a whole other type of ‘intro’ to games – those produced by the Hackers, Crackers and proto-pirates of the computer world and for the likes of ‘Skid Row’, ‘Moxwell’ and ‘Paradox’ with there floating writing, comedy ‘Guru Mediation’ based logins and such …well that’s for another article altogether.

Top ten film fatties

It’s time to look at the weighty subjects of the top ten ‘genre’ lardy-bums.

Pearl (Blade)
The excessively chunky bed ridden informant Pearl is the archaist for the Vampire clans in Steven Norringtons first Blade movie. A gelatinous mound of flab actor Eric Edwards only gets a few minutes of screen time while getting nicely roasted by a UV lamp where he literally spills the beans on his fellow vamps but whereas in the original script Pearl has a much bigger role and we find out how me keeps his trim figure with a diet full of babies…nice!

The Blob (X-Men)
While some X-Men have cool powers such as teleportation or optic blasts poor old Fred Dukes was lumbered with the power of being fat! An immovable object the Blobs powers revolve around his own mass and gravity providing him with superhuman strength a degree of invulnerability and the unenviable power to not be moved (wow). Soon to make his screen debut in Wolverine Origins the Blob is one of the first villains the X-Men ever met and probably wasn’t the most well thought out being really only a threat to all-you-can-eat buffets rather than Marvels premiere team of mutants.

Baron Vladimir Harkonnen (Dune)
While in the film of Dune the good Baron is portrayed as a slightly useless floating fatman with a large plug in his neck the novels version is much darker, intelligent, scheming and debauched. Obsessed with gladiatorial combat and having an unhealthy passion for his beautiful boy Feyd-Rautha behind the layers of opulent robes, acres of food and deviant pleasures hides a cunning and evil mind obsessed with conquering Arrakis and bringing down his political rivals in House Atreides.

Jabba The Hutt (Return of the Jedi)
The underworld don that puts Don Corleone corpulent form to shame the biggest bane of Han Solo and Pizza Hut alike Jabba’s underworld power is nearly as large as his abundant abdomen. So heavy he cannot move from his dais Jabba’s palace is a place of unearthly pleasures and horrific nightmares if displease him. Originally conceived as a chunky sheepskin coat wearing David Brent look-a-like Jabba was re-conceived as the giant slug we all know and love in Jedi and was then retroactively put back into A New Hope with the use of some ropey CG. A main figure in the up and coming Clone Wars Cartoon Jabba has become the poster boy with over indulgence and became a common nick-name for larger kids in playgrounds across the country.

Fat Bastard (Austin Powers)
A half metric tonne of meanness Fat Bastard had Mike Myers dons the fat suit to bring this ginger haired menace to the screen in Austin Powers 2. With an obsession with Sumo wrestling, baby-back ribs and wanting to eat mini-me Fat Bastard is Myers at his most repulsive. Whether it’s being in bed with Heather Graham, the abundance of ginger-back hair or fighting Powers in a Dojo Myers made Fat Bastard as abhorrent as possible and while eventually he turns away from the dark side, drops the weight and becomes a better person for it we still can’t help loving the ungracious rude and funny fat lad, ‘get in ma belly’ indeed.

Kingpin (Daredevil)
In the movie we have a tamed down, dull and underused Kingpin but in the comics the toned mind and body of Wilson Fisk has been a thorn in the side of Matt Murdock’s alter ego since the beginning of his career. Although he looks like an ex-roly poly Wilson Fisk’s bulk is actually mostly muscle, honed from many hours of sumo and intense weight lifting and is a formidable fighter as well as strategist and criminal mastermind and can hold his own both physically with the likes of Spiderman and Daredevil with ease. Interestingly the Affleck based Daredevil movie wasn’t the first time the Kingpin had graced our screen as the evil genius also appeared in the early 1990s Incredible Hulk TV movie where Gimli himself John Rhys Davies played a bearded, pointless and ineffectual version of the character.

Bishop of Bath and Wells (Black Adder 2)
Or for his full title ‘The Baby Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells’ is by his own confession a colossal pervert that would do anything to anything, animal vegetable or mineral. When Edmund Blackadder has to repay his debt he unwisely took from the Bishop it isn’t long before the repugnant ‘Bish comes a calling, red hot poker in hand wanting back his money plus interest. It is only using a cunning plan and conning Percy to perform numerous unspeakable acts with a drug addled Bishop that Blackadder managed to blackmail the Bishop to forget his debt. So impressed with Blackadders guile, underhanded tactics and creative use of blackmailing, debauchery that the bested Bishop admits defeat, wiping the slate clean and even goes as far as to offer Blackadder membership to the clergy.

Roland Browning (Grange Hill)
With taunts a-plenty Ro-Land was the epitome of every fat kid in school. Semi-popular but never anyone’s best friend but always there in the group with a snack in hand Roly professed he had a glad problem but with the likes of Mr Bronson , Mr Baxter and Gripper Stebson on his abundant back to loose weight or extort money from him Rolys days at the ‘Hill must have been a nightmare. Even as he grew up his school days didn’t get any better as he was followed around by Janet St Clair, a sensible, caring girl who tried too look of for him but ended up looking like a stalker and was robbed by his friend Zammo to fuel his drug habit. Erkan Mustafa has made a good career from his portly alter ego but I am sure with every bit of fame that came with the ‘Just say no’ must have also come thousands of ‘Hey RO-LAND’ taunts in every pub he ever visits.

Lawrence ‘Chunk’ Cohen (Goonies)
Having the innate ability to smell Ice-Cream, and for offering to foster giant Superman loving intimidating men without even asking his parents Chunk is of course the stand out star of one of the best 80s movies of all time. Famous for spilling the beans on all his friends and explaining to the Fratellis his puke induced escapades in a movie theatre Chunks loyalty is mostly to his stomach and to food rather than to his fellow Goonies. Although his lack of conviction in his fellow ‘friends’ is fully justified as, even though he might be on the irritating side he is constantly the butt of every joke or taunt made by fellow Goonie Mouth whose insistence that Chunk must do the Truffle Shuffle that while embarrassing has become one of the best introductions ever seen in film. The ‘Shuffle has become an iconic moment in movie history and while actor Jeff Cohen has long since lost the puppy fat will always be famous for lifting up his shirt, gurning and jiggling away to the applause of Mouth and the entire engrossed audience in general.

Eric Cartman (South Park)
Spoilt, rude and hateful Eric Cartman tops our list of film fatties by being the most obnoxious, self obsessed and in all honestly the most funny overweight character ever to grace our screens. Whether its beating up midgets, creating catchy tunes about his friends mum, freezing himself to await his Wii or making a rival eat his own parents in a chilli cook off there has never been a more evil, sadistic and endearingly spoilt chunky character in recent film history. It’s hard not to like Cartman, for all his hatred and distain for his friends there is something fascinating in watching just how nasty he can be. Whether it’s little digs at Kenny being poor, his hatred for hippes his anti-Semitism, racism, sexism or general dislike for everyone who won’t feed him, make him money or spoil him rotten Cartman is everything that can be wrong with a spoilt child, adored by his mum, pandered to and the centre of the universe even the attempts of the ‘Dog Whisperer’ were to no avail as Eric thinks he is the be all and end all of everything, and who are we to disagree with him…sweet!

The top ten 80s cartoon intro clichés

The top ten 80s cartoon intro clichés

Are you a big fan of 80s cartoons? Yup I am and so it seems is everyone in their mid-30s who grew up on a diet of half hour adverts based on toy lines. I can’t help it, I love 80s action cartoons but each one on closer inspection had the same tropes and themes. Behold!…The very best of animated action adventure shows of the 80s chock full of cliché and fun.

The clever scene blend
Want to show your hero doing heroic deeds, punching bad guys and saving the world then the best way to do this was with a montage that blended together one set piece to another. From a camera track of your hero flying through space via their superbly designed 80s space-ship to a pass across to the front of the ship (with obligatory lens flare) that lead to a wipe transplanting your hero (or heroine) laying the smack down planet-side to another wipe via say a laser blast or explosion to once again having our hero flying in space again but this time with a close-up on your hero in their 80s spaceship cockpit giving the thumbs up. This blend and fade technique is used dozens of times.
For a fantasy take on this (with the obligatory flying cape wipe) check out this intro from Conan and Mandrake
Conan – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SsHfWBLVr0
Defenders of the Earth – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLKzsynt5I

The character introduction
Don’t know your Jayce from your Galaxy Rangers or your Silverhawk from your Thundercat – then don’t worry each and every 1980s action cartoon made life very simple for you by showing you each and every character both good guys and bad guys with their ‘powers’ in use – usually these are individual special moves (say an energy blast…lifting something bit or playing with numbers in abstract space…or something) then move onto a full a team pose and or face to face with their opposite number for a showdown.
For those (like me) who might be a little slower some cartoons even told you the names of the characters when they appeared – for a good example of this see below.
Galaxy Rangers – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8sOc2T_Ckc
X-Men – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAkL2-vh2Sk

Roaring 80s guitars and syths
The heavy bass, then a roaring riff then a synth solo followed by a jobbing rock singer is the epitome of the soundtrack to many a 80s cartoon. Whether its Stan Bush whose Touch for Transformers the movie is still regarded by many as the gold standard 80s cartoon rock cliché to the many nameless vocalists who lent their talents to many an intro the musicians of 80s cartoon yesteryear should be saluted for their invaluable warbling and really true effort and feeling of making us actually believe that ‘if your wheels get you there things will turn out right’
Stan Bush – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZKpByV5764
Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K0SzFIf4A&noredirect=1

Animation that is far better than the actual show
There are hundreds of hours of theses cartoons and for those hundreds of hours there has of course got to be hundreds for cells of animation to get these characters to move. Before the time of CG most of these cells were hand drawn on an average of 24 pr second and thankless task that required armies of low paid Asian animators (I’m tempted to say slaves http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX1iplQQJTo) to key and paint each and every movement and scene change. This titanic task of course took hours of time and legions of man-power to produce so it’s inevitable that the quality on some of these cartoons is shall we say less than up to standard. However 14 minutes into a cartoon nobody really cared that Pete Venkman from Real Ghostbusters jumped a cell or two of animation or wore a pink costume rather than grey you are in, hooked and waiting for the ghost based climax. But to get you this far though the dodgy animation they had to hook you in first and the best way to do this was to have a perfectly shaded piece of animated perfection in your introduction that was far superior to that of the actual show. For a good example of this check out the superb animation for Real Ghostbusters
Real Ghostbusters – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPiZptATdGc
Visionaries – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGHwY-x8GwA

Chrome –lots of chrome, oh and rudimentary lens flair
It’s really hard to get metallic or reflective effects with 2D animation – there is of course no reflective surfaces on a flat plain and nothing to reflect so the animators always did their very best with what they had which was essentially a palette of off-white and grey paints and frankly at times this limitation was completely bypassed by some superb animation that gave a superb peudo-metallic look or a mirrored glass effect.
Too add to the illusion of chrome or glass of course you can add varied colours of lens flair shooting off your characters gun, badge or spacesuit that would give the illusion of lasers and energy signatures bouncing off the rippling torsos of your heroes.
The best use of this of course is Silverhawks – the Thundercats like team of bird-themed superheroes who rocked the T-1000 look way before Robert Patrick.
Silverhawks – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SY_t4AOzjc
Pole Position http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NpgsUOKQs8

Lightening and sparkle effect
Again another trick that looks pretty effective provided by somebody with an elaborate paint set and no access to computer graphics – and was all done by hand, layered and possibly roto-scoped on. Whether it’s Venger trying to burn the faces off the Dungeons and Dragons kids, Stampede lair or Mum-Ras Pyramid all these evil fortresses of evil seemed to be full of lightening which is probably quite dangerous. But let’s not forget the heroes they had their own light show too – just check out this glitter effect from He-Man or
He-Man – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO1ChfM94yQ
Dungeons and Dragons http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA5I9Cd_Wq4

Neon Grids
There is nothing that says the future of the 1980s that glowing space girds heading off into the infinite horizon. Whether it’s the beginning of the Transformers to Thunderbirds 2086 the future always looks better if you take a nod from Tron and add a pretend virtual landscape and blueor green toned neon grid to your introduction. It doesn’t even matter that this said grid has actual no reason to be there or detrimental to the story is just looks cool to have ‘virtual’ elements to your intro.
Check out the Mask intro for this – really it’s not needed at all – it just looks great
Mask – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2Z1yLO9C-Q
Thunderbirds 2068 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zowhg6l9RUc

Curling liquid Fire
Want to show off a nice liquid like animation effect that has taken the animators have spent years perfecting (I guess in a strict animation school in Asia full of school girls and tentacled monsters) then there is no better place than the begging intro of a 80s cartoon. Whether it’s the proton pack warming up in real Ghostbuters or this superb effort in Thudercats the rolling circle to liquid/lazer or light energy signature can be seen again and again.
Thundercats – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjaTkPYzK00
Ulysses – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ4c1X5ene8 (any excuse to show this off!)

An interlude where the comedy character appears
You’re mid-guitar riff, well into the montage of your hero doing incredible deeds then the whole things comes to a blinding halt when the comic relief rears its irritating ugly head. Whether it’s the magical incompetency of Orco or the hideous part robot-part ewok Robear Berbils or the living nightmare of Godzuki each and every cartoon spoilt its 80s awesome with what is essentially known as the ‘Scrappy Do factor’. The emphasise this check out these burrowing monstrosities from BraveStarr or the forced 7-Zark-7 from Battle of the Planets when you are just getting down with the pompous brass funk and baritone voice overs of the theme tune
BraveStarr – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVISzBSBYnU
Battle of the Planets – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acOnskcyrtA

The final salute
Whether it’s a quick nod, wink, just a wry smile or the ultimate ‘thumbs up’ every 80s action cartoon character at some point will ruin it for themselves with a self with a self-congratulatory ‘win’ There could course be a high five between characters or a bromantic look but for the final cliché it has to be the knowing fact that says ‘hey I’m the hero and I’m just Awesome’ It’s the 80s equivalent to Instagram or photographing yourself posing or pouting for your profile picture on Facebook. Sometimes they even take it further and have a guitar and or catchphrase said to camera
The entire Gi-Joe lineup do a fist-pump http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YXQSrOCeKQ
COPS – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy4YFDSDW4w

And finally
When the show gets popular and they change animation studios to someone far cheaper!

Is it worth giving the 6th Doctor another chance?

Giving you a reading this site the chances are you are a Doctor Who fan. When asked ‘Who is your favourite Who’ a lot of younger readers will instantly say David Tennant, while some nod their heads saying that Matt Smith is up there. For the older (like me) Tom Baker is the ultimate Who, for Steve Moffat his ‘Doctor’ is Peter Davison.

For the Who connoisseurs you might go for the space-hoboness of Patrick Troughton, the dark cunning of a late Sylvester McCoy or the foppishness of a Jon Pertwee as a favourite Who but you would be very hard pressed to find a person who thinks that Colin Bakers Doctor Who was the best Who of all time.
And in some ways that’s a shame.

There are many reasons why Colin Bakers Who didn’t take off. From the production and behind the scenes in-fighting with the BBC and some questionable choices of the Doctors wardrobe the mid to late 1980s could be seen as a dark time for Who. From battling monsters made up of sweets (I can’t I think use Bertie Bassett Monster any more due to legal reasons) to the caustic nature of Colin Bakers take on the character to somebodies decision to employ an overly enthusiastic Jazz-hands and lisp curling Bonnie Langford as an assistant (who I will come to later) it would seem that overall the sixth Doctor really had nothing going for him at all and, if you were a conspiracy nut the entire season was one cunning plan to get the show cancelled (again for legal reasons I cannot say that this was Michael Grades cunning plan)

The Doctor himself

If you dig a little deeper you might find that actually the sixth incarnation of the Doctor is not as bad as you might think. Admittedly the Doctor was sarcastic and at times a little deranged going as far as to nearly strangle his companion but this is not something we had never seen before. We had a dandy, a bohemian, a public schoolboy and as mentioned a galactic hobo however up until that point we had never had a ‘nasty’ Doctor. Harkening back to William Hartnell’s slightly mistrust worthy Who Colin Bakers take was as close as we had got to a Doctor who could flip out and take an aggressive stance against adversaries. There is a suggestion that the Doctors choice of clothing was done on purpose to trick people into thinking he was a clown and buffoon – however in numerous episodes he proved he had an edge and was a cunning and quite proactive version of the character.

From his introduction in the superb Caves of Androzani this take on the Doctor (who according to some rumours did not regenerate properly hence the negative attitude) was one that on closer inspection has a lot more going for him than first appears. This Doctor is somebody who unfairly is labelled as lumbered with some of the worst episodes and production values of any incarnation of the character – but again this is untrue. The costumes, colour and effects are of its time and as too is the Doctor – this is a bold is beautiful Doctor, one who is the epitome of the 80s where bigger is better. He is loud, brash, cocky and over-confident and this suits the time well – he is a 1980s American stero-type Doctor with traits that suited the ‘greed is good’ attitude of the time and while looking back we can grimace at the over the top style and explosion of colour he was just that – bold. We had the subtle beige and browns of the fifth Doctor just before and as an audience we needed to Juxtapose with the exact opposite – as a series to go from one subtle Doctor to another would not really have worked he needed to embrace the excess and to work with the vivid plots and garish to bring out the best key points of the series and setting of the time and Colin Baker did that. Budgets for Who were cut dramatically and the emphasis was on squeezing the most out of the limits they had – if we had another quiet or eccentric Doctor we could quite easily see all the cost cutting or corner cutting the rest of the show had – the fact that Colin Bakers character we so larger than life and colourful meant for most of time we were distracted and focused on the garish rather than the cheap, recycled, under-painted or half-finished and for this ‘look at me’ attitude the sixth Doctor did that superbly well.

The episodes

This incarnation of the Doctor was actually one of a lot of firsts and surprisingly story and format wise innovative for its time. The first major factor was a re-generation before the end of the series. As mentioned ‘The Caves of Androzani’ saw the fifth Doctor ‘die’ of radiation poisoning but this wasn’t the finale of that season and fans were treated to a four-parter called the ‘Twin Dilemma’ to get adjusted to the new incarnation of the Doctor before he came back for season 22.

With this new season we also got another change – as Colin Bakers Who was the first Doctor to regularly do 45 minute episodes in season 22 and with the excellent two partner ‘Attack of the Cybermen’ . As well as trailing this new format (designed for syndication in the US…and a format adopted for the 2005 rebook) this episode also had numerous nods and in-show references to prior Doctors, a thing that has become commonplace now but mentioning Totters Yard, having the TARDIS chameleon circuit on the blink and the Doctor forgetting which companion he was travelling with were all new concepts for the time with Who nostalgia, canon and lore not nearly as prevalent as it is now.

In addition this Doctors set of stories especially for the 22nd season was actually pretty strong – we have as mentioned a Cyberman story, a special featuring Patrick Trougton (The Two Doctors) , a suprisdingly good Dalek episode and of course the first introduction of ‘default internet fan favourite-villain rumour ’ the Rani and the Valeyard

Finally when it comes to stories the sixth Doctor had one of the biggest ever. Never mind you special two partners or even your lengthy six part episodes this Doctor had a colossal 14 part episode. Ok admittedly this was broken up into four stories but to have a show that took an entire season to tell one story was unheard of and while there is a dull story (Mysterious Planet) in this we do get the some superb Triffid like monsters (Terror of the Vervoids) and of course the return of Sil and of course Brian Blessed (Mindwarp).

Companions

Yes, ok everyone says Bonnie Langford was terrible – but actually she wasn’t. Upon recently watching Trial and some early Sylvester McCoy episodes she isn’t actually too bad as far as companions go – while not as witty as Romana or as sexy as Jo or Leela she certainly didn’t moan as much as Tegan or play up to the petulant teenager as much as Turlough (ok I know he wasn’t really a teenager) she played the character with some subtlety and while there is a little amateur -dramatics element to it she is actually pretty down to earth and an exposition character that still sees wonder and awe to where the Doctor takes her. Additionally she actually puts up with the grumpy side to the sixth Doctors personality. While some companions had the cheery nature of Tennant to play off or get a chance to drive around in fast cars with Jon Pertwee Mel had to put up with a curmudgeon who at times acted the child and did indeed strop about. While many others might have just upped and left Langford played her part well bringing a little sunshine and level-headedness to the companion role that worked well with this darker take on the Doctor.

Then of course there was the unique way she was introduced to the audience – without an origin. As part of ‘Trail’ the prosecution hold up what the Doctor has done in the past and present however the Doctors future is also up for scrutiny with the notion – the ‘Terror of the Vervoids’ takes place in the future where we meet Mel for the first time. According to the script for this the sixth Doctor and Mel have been travelling together for some time and yet the Doctor on trial had yet to meet her. This again was something unique as, for the most part the concept of time-travel, future selves, timelines and such had never been explored and up until that point each companion had an origin and first establishing adventure – but this was the first time a companion was in the TARDIS before the joined the Doctor ‘in-continuity’ and was a pre-cursor for River Song two decades before ‘spoilers’.

Added to this we also get the occasional companion in the untrustworthy Sabalom Glitz, the curvy Peri in latter episodes and if you are a fan of non-television canon Who the sixth Doctor is the only incarnation of the character to travel with a Penguin as a companion!

So while it might be that the ‘other’ Baker gets all the accolades for ‘classic’ Who and David Tennant gets the majority of the spoils for best Doctor in the more recent series for the classic Who veteran who has seen regeneration after regeneration and for all intents and purposes disregard the Sixth Doctor as an anomaly to happily skip over continuity wise the unique take of a darker more broody and emotionally charged incarnation of the character is definitely worth a look even for just the banter and mockery of the Valeyard at the end of The Ultimate Foe’

The top five ‘internet films’ that have never been made…yet

This week I was made aware of a Youtube phenomenon called ‘Fred’. Frankly I wish I wasn’t as it seems Fred is a Youtube ‘meme’ a vile squeaky voiced internet sensation that has a multitude of ‘webisodes’ on his channel on the Youtube site and it seems the domination of this slightly un-nerving online creation is going to get an even wider audience as he (I think it’s a he) has a film coming out.

Now its been noted that this may well be the first movie based on Youtube and on social networking and new media in general (Ok, the Social Network doesn’t count) but really is this the best thing that the suits in Hollywood could pick up and throw on a cinema screen? Really there is so much hidden or thankfully not so hidden talent on Youtube that to invest money is this hideous creation is both insulting and a mockery to all the real hard work that a lot of people on Youtube put in to create some fantastic work.

So, in some way to compensate for ‘Fred’ getting funding I would like to take this opportunity to provide a forum for the forgotten real heroes of ‘Youtube’ whose work is much more deserving of a big screen adaptation and while I understand that some of the links below are used to showcase work or are produced by ‘professionals’ in the film business they are still in my opinion far more deserving that the strange many/boy/girl thing that is Fred .

1 – Arkham Asylum (Spanish)

or

Grant Morrison and Dave McKean infamous graphic novel was groundbreaking in its visual style and storytelling narrative. A comic of mixed media that pushed the boundaries of what comics were deemed to be showed that the funny books were not just for kids and had ‘matured’ to be loved by adults too. The mix of a brooding backdrops design, perfect character breakdowns and one of the best reconstructions of the mythology of Batman redefined what the character was. So with Chris Nolan taking the more realistic approach to the Batman mythology would we ever see the dark confines of Arkham anywhere else than just in the pages of the comic and in a rather superb computer game? Well it seems this piece of innovative comic goodness has been translated into film courtesy of film-maker Miguel Mesas who takes the pages of the comic and superbly used CGI to recreate the ethereal and dark world of the graphic novel backed up by the soundtracks of Danny Elfman. With a sinister Joker, a great stylized Batman and cameos from numerous rogues this is one film in waiting just itching to be made into a full feature film.

2 – Pokémon the movie (pokemon apocalypse)

Ok, so the acting is a bit rubbish in parts (apart from the guy who plays ‘Brock’), but the concept of the characters from the ever popular card-game and cartoon coming back together when they are older to fight in a underground fight scene (a la fight club) is a new twist on the usual colourful badly animated adventures we usually expect. With the whole ‘Gonna Catch ‘em all’ mentality getting a bit too dark at times and a few un-needed puns are rammed into the script this great little trailer by Kial Natale is a interesting take on the franchise that spawned Pikachu and a hundred playground arguments
The idea of these cute creatures being made to fight was itself quite mad to start with but what the film-makers have done with this fan film is take it to take this the extreme by making the battles more violent and more adults – assuming that most of the fans of Pokémon when they first came out are probably now in their 20s they have made this UFC style themed trailer full of corrupt bosses and Pokémon taking dives for money and such. The CGI work is really good and there are numerous Pokemon on showcased. Added to this there is also a great cameo by an adult team Rocket and Meowth too!

3 – Thundercats –

It seems ‘After-Effects’ guru ‘Wormy’ has a numerous online trailers for films that have yet to be made, however the best one is a edit and re-imaging from movies such as ‘Riddick’ ‘Troy’ and erm…Garfield to show us what a potentially cool cinematic franchise those mullet sporting anthropomorphic cats would make if Thundercats ever made it to Hollywood – just one comment, please don’t let Michael Bay anywhere near it.

4 – Mortal Kombat

While the first Mortal Kombat film hit cinemas in themed 1990s it became something of a guilty pleasure the other films in the franchise were , to be frank a bit rubbish (Even Christopher Lambert said ‘non’ to the second and third movie which gives you some indication and level of quality you are dealing with)and with other fighting games doing equally as bad (Street Fighter and Tekken) you would think that fans and film-makers would leave well alone, however film producer Kevin Tancharoen, with the help of Jeri Ryan and Michael Jai White has created this superb ‘teaser’ for a more dark and gritty version of the classic Mid-Way ‘beat em up’. Taking the premise this new nearly ten minute mini-movie is the perfect example of a show-reel of a film that should be made and shows that with a bit of passion and skilled fans of the game could have something fantastic to watch, rather than the recent ‘Legend of Chun Li’

5 – Patient J

It seems Batman is a fan-favourite when it comes to ametuer filmmaking on Youtube and with other well regarded online sensations like ‘Grayson’ or ‘Batman: Dead End’ and numerous adaptations and trailers of Batman3 (featuring everyone from Bane to the Riddler) all show what can be done with a little money and a lot of skill there is one online film that really just goes that little bit extra and that is Patient J and ten minute scene that is essentially an interview with the Joker. Now this Joker is not the film adaption of the Joker but more a mix of the Mark Hamil voiced animated series Joker mixed together with the ‘Death in the Family’ and ‘The Killing Joke’ Joker which coincidentally are the stories from which a lot of the plot in this movie is derived. In this movie this Joker is both dark and sinister and also a garish clown all at the same time and thanks to actor Paul Molnar is very very believable threat, even behind all the prosthetics and white face paint and his slow deliberate breakdown of his interviewee is believable and gives Hannibal Lecter a run for his money as far as psychological warfare is concerned. Directed by Aaron Schoenke who seems to be a master of short film making this great little internet movie really does raise the game of would-be film-makers and while being nearly five years old is still one of the best examples of what this new medium of on-line short filmmaking and delivery by Youtube can achieve.

Is Cinema Dead?

It Died Long, Long Ago!

I recently saw ‘Iron Man 3’, a superb movie and frankly the only film I have seen over the past year that I would be happy to sit thought again in the cinema (ironically the last one was Dark Knight). It is the only film that I came out of the cinema seeing and thought, ‘that’s a keeper’, one for Blu-ray and something that could be watched again and again. Essentially that is what I am trying to describe, the feeling that a film will be a legacy, a movie that will have pride of place on your shelf in your collection and one you will go back to again and again and it seems that this is something that for a lot of films has been lost in recent years.

I am a child of the 1980s, the boom time for blockbusters and a period (in my opinion anyway) that cinema was at its best for entertainment and the type of film I am talking about. Films were riskier, more creative and unique. Who now would gamble on producing a film about four scientists fighting ghosts, or a bratty bullied American kid becoming friends with a Korean martial arts instructor or even a set of kids finding pirate treasure and wobbling their bellies? Frankly not too many I would guess. Films today it seems need to have a merchandise hook, to be demographically friendly and be a ‘in’ to a potential franchise and while this has evidently been successful with ‘Harry Potter’ and dare I say it ‘Twilight’ this method of thinking about the actual toys and tie-ins rather than the movie itself seems to be the way things are going and to me quite the wrong way around.

The point being, which of these more market driven movies would you see again? Do you on more than one occasion sit back to the mess that was Transformers? Ever got bored on a Sunday afternoon and decided that this would be a good time to relive the summer blockbuster that was ‘Clash of the Titans’ or do you go back n watch the far superior Harryhausen version? The expectation on films is higher and the execs, suits and marketers have their career on the line if the film flops at the box office but this mind-set of ‘it must do well’ has made the majority of output vapid, too reliant on the money it makes when it first opens and not thinking of the bigger picture.

As mentioned the money in the industry of film, or more specifically actual cinemas is on the decrease and unless movie studios change their mind-set to look at potentially a decades worth of repeat purchases and a slow burn concept based on good word of mouth, trying things maybe like a re-release at a cinema (who would not want to see Lord of the Rings, Blade Runner or Dark Knight again at the cinema?) a few months after the initial showing or even more extreme by producing movies you actually want to see again and again rather than just once at this critical opening weekend stage things might be so bleak.

Look at your DVD collection, I guess there is a copy of Back to the Future in there, maybe Transpotting, Ghostbusters perhaps, The Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, all of which are over a decade old. Films like this are not really made like this any more and while it’s only been a decade or so this movement away from ‘long-tail’ and multiple viewings has gone. You are never going to buy Spiderman 3 on DVD, Blu-ray and any other format that comes along in the future whereas Batman and the original Superman films might be on the top of the list. Films today are not made for long term investments and really they should be, a movie should have the quality for repeat viewing and a shelf life of decades rather than weeks.

Blade Runner for example was not a massive hit when initially released but is a film that is now seen as a classic, loved by fans and critics alike, can you see any recent sci-fi films from the past years doing the same, once they have had there initial take that’s it, films are then given little chance to mature, to gain a following and they have become disposable. Can you remember last year’s huge hits at the box office? What about the year before or five years ago? I bet you have some of them on DVD and I also guess that there is a veil of dust on them as they have been untouched and unopened – and that is really the thing isn’t it, has a film released today got the longevity of a movie from a decade or two ago, is there no risk element any more, has the need to make a fortune on that oh so important weekend neutered the way films are made and will there every be a time again when risks are taken and creative new ideas are tried. Sadly I think not.

The short-sighted business plan currently used need to change. A more long term plan to get views of a film in their thousands over a longer period rather than a short burst of tens of thousands in short amount of time might be the way forward and stop this continual release of high cost, poor quality blockbuster movies that are made or broken so quickly.

To release films in this long term way with multiple cinema releases and not being so reliant on the opening weekend could be the way to go, as if not and we continue the trend of lightweight stuff like Transformer and the up and coming GI-Joe that might well see the demise of your local multiplex come a lot sooner than you think.

Is Kevin Smith Overrated?

Is Kevin Smith Overrated?

Seen by geeks everywhere as a somewhat obese comic obsessed deity with a potty mouth I really have to wonder if Kevin Smith really just a one trick pony?

Now I am all for new directors and new genres of filmmaking and going back to the early 1990s and to the likes of Robert Roderiguiez, Tarantino et al …Smith assisted in creating a new brand of ‘guerilla’ filmmaking with mucho enthusiasm, no-budget and a thought that any aspiring film maker could make it in Hollywood and this was a very good thing. It bought the fun, innovation and creativity back to films and allowed people with talent and a video camera to play in the big league with million dollar budgeted films which was all great, however just because someone strikes it lucky at a film festival doesn’t mean he can repeat that magic over and over again. Clerks as a movie is fun but really is it genius? Well not really as it seems that Smith did film him and his mates as they normally are, using dialogue that they had probably already used in every day conversations (much in the same was Peter Kay does.. but to much better effect) and while this style of hip and modern film making was good for one film it seems since then Smith has never upped his game at all.

Moving, supposedly into big and better films Smiths next movie was in colour ( wow) and set in a mall rather than a shop. Now I really like Mallrats – it’s a one and a half hour movie that is brainless fun with nobody taking things too seriously and a stream of cheap gags and Claire Forlani looking gorgeous, it reminds me of going to America for the first time (early 1990s) and is a great snapshot of the Dock Marten, check shirted wearing grunge-ness of that time.

However I see Mallrats as being the point where he should have doffed his cap, kept to his writing and let somebody else get behind the lens. The actual geek quota for Mallrats is fun and it’s a great homage to Stan Lee and Jack Kirby with the odd Star Wars reference thrown in for good measure but the continuity problems, lack of and range from his actors and the static camera work just go to show that Smith wasn’t build to direct a film.

So with these two films under his belt he was hailed as some sort of geek saviour with fanboys around the world thinking they were on the tide of being cool, they had a fellow comic reader who had made it big and maybe, just maybe they would get the films they wanted to see at the cinema. I believed this too however Mallrats was a huge flop at cinemas and the power of Smith in Hollywood diminished. Still it didn’t stop he making films

His next attempt was Chasing Amy, a more ‘serious’ film. However after trying to watch Chasing Amy again recently my opinion went downhill as I was subjected to a 2 hour tirade of homophobia and knob jokes.. yes very funny the first time around for a few minutes but really the film is just insulting and in no way heart felt, subtle or handled with any hint of consideration, not even Silent Bobs soliloquy could help it.. it was just plain bad.

It was this film then I think that the spark of admiration I had for Smith died and I started finding flaws, and began to pick his work apart and it wasn’t a tough job to be honest. What worked in Clerks with his point and shoot direction had been carried over from film to film and just didn’t develop in style, imagination or technical ability. Yes we know that he could write good free flowing dialogue that actually sounded natural when spoken my American tweens (Kevin Williamson take note) but again these skills didn’t develop.

You look at the early work of Spielberg such as Duel and they are not fantastic but as a director he evolved, progressed and got infinitely better. Or if you look at writers such as David Goya who went from Blade to Batman, evolving his skills as a comic book movie writer, alas Mr Smith these are things that you can only aspire to

This leads me to Dogma.. a interesting premise and in hands other than Smiths could have been fantastic but was so ruined by Smith himself that it had to feel of a bad channel 5 mid-day movie. Then there was also by Damon and Affleck and who were fortunate to never have been rubbed together as they were so wooden in that film they would have caught fire. For the guys who had won Oscars for there previous films and went on to star in Hollywoodland ( a great film) and the Bourne series they slept-walked there way through this. Added to this we also had Jason Lee being wasted and the addition of Chris Rock whose screaming Eddie Murphy rip off act truly grates with me and invokes the urge to smash his stupid sweary mouthed face in.

We then had Jersey Girl and we all know how that turned out that I am not even going to comment on in. Affleck, Lopez and a hour and a half full of wrong-ness.

So then too hits and two misses and Smith still hadn’t grown as a director, lost a great swath of his former audience who either felt he was either selling out or not appeasing there geek tendencies so to repay them in some way Smith produced Jay and Silent Bob Strike that would help back bring some of the original Jersey magic back and guess what it couldn’t. A jumbled mess that was more a ode to fan boys rather than a real film it did have a few laugh and a great cameo from Mark Hamill but again this was directorially wise a mess that really felt like it was a film make up of bits of scripts Smith had left over from his comics and previous films.

And talking of comics… along with friend Joe Quesada Smith helped launch Marvel Knights and re-introduced comics readers to Daredevil. While his first arc was great, like a lot of his work the creative spark went after his initial idea was used up (the re-appearance of Bullseye and the death of Karen Page) and we were left with a vague story about a second rate Spiderman villain (Mysterio) and a dull story to do with heaven and hell.

His other comic work followed suit in its mediocrity with DC’s re-launch of Green Arrow which was just plain dull. We, as comic fans are still waiting for the finale of Smiths return to Daredevil with the ‘Target’ book many many years delayed and his Spiderman/Black Cat ‘Evil that Men ‘ limited series rushed and was just wrong, sloppy crude and offensive.

So moving back into films we then finally get the conclusion to the Jersey films with Clerks 2. Nearly ten years since the original you would have thought that Smith would have moved on but really it seemed that filming Dante and co ten years down the line as 30 somethings that haven’t gone anywhere is an apt allegory to the work of Smith himself that in a decade of film-making he has stayed safe, trod water and never really evolved his skills or art in his field.

Much as I still love Jay, Silent Bob, Steve/Dave, TS, Walt Flannigan’s mythical dog, Dante and the rest of the weird and wonderful world that Smith first created I feel they have had there time and Smith should have just done Clerks, Mallrats and then let somebody else take over the chores. Every other ‘classic’ comedy knows about the rule of only doing two things (Fawlty Tower and the Office being prime example) and Smith should have taken note and had a legacy of 2 films worth of entertainment that summed up all the fun of the mid 1990s.I feel that Smith should have been happy with these as films which are immortalised next to Nevermind, Batman Returns, The Crash Test Dummies, The Mask and Forrest Gump as a piece of 90s nostalgia. However rather than just admitting he was a one (or two hit wonder) he is slowly but surely watering down his film and creative legacy with poor film choices, no new ideas and trying with a chubby grip to keep hold of the magic of that period… but to me its just not happening… Sorry Kev and also thank you for passing on doing Green Hornet as both you and I knew you were out of your depth.